7 life lessons from 7 days at Plum Village: my first steps as baby Buddha

To ring in the new year, I decided to spend a week at Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village. I heard of this so-called magical place by fellow yoginis, and had had a moment of truth last year reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book “Peace is every step”. Thich Nhat Hanh is a prominent peace activist, nominated by MLK for the noble peace prize, and wrote lots of inspiring books. He created Plum Village, a buddhist monastery where 150 monastic people share their experience and practice with the public, near Bordeaux in France. Also, I wanted something different for this New Year’s Eve than the same year-after-year champagne toast at midnight with my friends.

I had no clear intention nor expectations, just a feeling that it was the right thing for me at this time in my life. I had explored Buddhism a bit this year and felt a true connection with the teachings. I also had decided that 2017 was the year to lay the foundations of my life, and “spirituality” is an important pillar to me. So I just followed my intuition. Thank you, serendipity.

I was curious and excited when I arrived and, of course, unaware of the great impact this place would have on my life. Since, I haven’t been able to experience the world in the same way anymore. I feel like I woke up and I can’t go back asleep; while instinctively my body knows perfectly well that sleepy state. So, just like any change in life, it’s hard. I’ve been back home, to reality, one week now, and I still feel a bit lost. I learned so much, it takes time to process.

7 lessons from spending a week in a monastery:

1. Cultivate good seeds

This is one of the images I liked the most from Plum Village.

Our consciousness is like a garden with all kind of seeds planted there:

• There are good seeds of love, compassion, peace, trust, kindness, joy…
• There are also bad seeds of greed, anger, violence, fear, ignorance…

Our mind gets external stimuli that trigger some reactions based on the seeds we cultivated. And we have the power to choose which seeds we want to cultivate. We choose which ones we water; and in turn, how we feed our consciousness. We can:

• Choose to feed our mind with negative content. For instance, playing three hours of violent video games would grow the seed of violence. As listening to bad news focused on hate and violence waters the seed of fear.
• Choose to feed our mind with positive content, thereby growing the best seeds within us. For example, listening to relaxing music would grow our inner peace and laughing with friends our well-being.

We can actively decide to what we expose our mind: What do we watch on TV/ listen to on the radio? What do we hear every day? What do we read? What do our friends and family tell us?… It’s up to us to water the right seeds so that, at the end of the day, we contribute to our reality the way we chose. Because our thoughts, words and actions all matter. And we can improve upon them.

2. Awareness and mindfulness, the magic potion

The whole focus of the practice at Plum Village is to live in mindfulness. Walking mindfully, eating mindfully, working mindfully, brushing teeth mindfully, washing dishes mindfully… This means just doing one thing at a time and doing it while being 100% here, not thinking of anything else other than what we’re doing.

This is a true challenge in today’s world because of our hectic lifestyles. How many times have I had dinner while simultaneously listening to a podcast, looking at Instagram pictures, and answering Whatsapp messages? How many times did I bump into someone on the street because I was thinking of some situation or writing someone a message, totally unable to enjoy what I was doing; passing by actual, real time life events unfolding in front of me?

As in any translation from one language to another, it seems as if we have lost a bit of flavor of the original concept. There are 2 parts of mindfulness: the time, which is the now, but also the place, which is from the heart. So being mindful is experiencing the present moment from the heart.

This is the end goal. To get there, we can practice, practice, practice. And it all starts with one critical stage: awareness.

Spotting our bad habits, and knowing that they are bad habits, is a good start. No judgement. Just awareness. So, since I’ve been back, I have started noticing many of my bad habits. For example, yesterday I was thinking of a conversation with a friend that upset me while riding my bike in Paris, and it almost got me into an accident, because my body was here, but my thoughts were driving me away from the present moment. I also tend to eat compulsively when I’m sad or I feel lonely; I can notice that clearly now. I still do it; but at least I am aware that I do it. Same with the use of my mobile phone. I notice that when I feel lonely, I reach for my phone to try and find some online love. I believe awareness is the start of everything. Change is in the contemplation stage.

3. I am Buddha, You are Buddha, We are all Buddhas

This is the lesson I love the most.

Buddha is within us. It’s just a matter of awakening the Buddha within. We can all do this.

Buddha means awakened, knowing, understanding. So the Buddha is the one who understands that there is no other path than love, and who is able to look at all living beings with compassion. There is no “one” Buddha. We can all reach this stage of understanding; and this is a path that we can all achieve by practicing; by looking to role models, bodhisattvas, to show us the path to enlightenment.

To me, “enlightenment” is much too abstract a concept. I rather enjoy the journey than focus on whether or not I will one day be enlightened. As with anything in life, enjoying the path to the summit of the mountain is more important than the summit itself.

4. The power of the present moment, the only moment that truly exists

I attended a client meeting last week. As a consultant, I was presenting the traditional powerpoint deck to a room full of 10 people. However, I sensed that nobody was actually paying attention to me. Most people had their computers open, on top of their 1 or 2 phones on the table. They were going from one device to another; reading emails and answering messages, scrolling through their Facebook or Twitter feed, or tending to other work. Some were even just looking at the wall with a blank stare, lost, maybe thinking of past fun times or what’s for dinner that night. During those two hours, we connected, at best, for 10 minutes on the same frequency. That made me feel angry. Like I wanted to explode — to stop, sing and shout out in this masquerade of life.

We tend to not be here, but rather lost in thought of past times or future plans. But this does not exist. There is only here and now; and most of the time we miss it.

We also project our perceptions and judgments onto other people; and think about it over and again.

So we carry with us, in our minds, all these mental formations — sometimes positive, sometimes negative — and escape from the present moment.

Learning how to connect to the here and now is critical to stop our suffering. Listen to the noise of the birds, notice the smile of a fellow pedestrian, have those deep discussions with our friends. Acknowledge the people who are here, in front of us; instead of looking at our phone, and sending messages to people who are not here… There is so much to enjoy at each present moment.

5. Cultivate your joy, but also embrace your suffering

There are 2 pillars in Thich Nhat Hanh’s way of articulating Buddhism philosophy:

• cultivate your joy
• manage and embrace your suffering

Over the last three to four years, I have been learning to cultivate my joy. I have changed quite drastically as a person. A colleague even made a point to say “you smile too much, it’s weird”. And now I understand what she meant. I played the positive attitude mindset 200%. I worked hard and developed my ability to look at the bright side of things (rather than complaining and only seeing the negative side, as was my tendency in the past). It is still a work in progress, especially when it comes to not having negative thoughts about other people or situations. I believe that I have become a better version of myself: helping people spontaneously in the street, spending quality time with people I love, focusing on doing things that make me feel good… I still don’t behave this way 100% of the time, but maybe 30–50%, a big leap forward. And I thought that, according to Buddhist philosophy, this was the core of happy living.

I have since come to realize that I had ignored the flipside of the coin — embracing my suffering-, and this retreat helped me figure that out. It is not easy to do, it has shaken me up quite a bit, but I know that is necessary.

Understanding my pain is critical for me now. By doing so, I will in turn be better able to understand the pain of others, and thus feel more compassion, and be a better person.

“No mud no lotus” is one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s mottos. Happiness and suffering co-exist.

Facing our own suffering is hard; so we tend to escape it all of the time. This has been enabled by modern society’s many entertainments, which conveniently distract us from the ghosts of our past. Now, when I take my phone and find myself scrolling through Instagram for one hour, I know that I’m trying to escape my suffering. I’m aware (see point 2.).

The point here is to cultivate our inner space; and taking care of ourselves is the first step. “Change yourself, change the world”. With introspection, we can acknowledge, accept and understand our mistakes, and evolve. We have several tools freely available to us to develop acceptance, and trust in ourselves: breathing, meditation, walking meditation, eating and working — all mindfully… Each experience in life provides us an opportunity to learn, from the bad, as well as the good.

6. Sangha mania

This powerful learning was reinforced for me during the retreat. It is priceless to be surrounded by a group of people moving towards the same direction, sharing the same values and accepting us just as we are. Being supported in any change process is key to success.

The sangha is the third pillar in Buddhism, with the Buddha and the Dharma being the other two. The Plum Village community pushed us towards finding a local group of people with whom we can connect. I’m grateful to have my yoga sangha here in Paris, who, on top of my old friends, adds another layer of safety net to my life. There are things that are easier to share with them than with my family; and it feels good to be in a community of understanding, trust and love. Sanghas pile up, they complement each other. They are precious gifts of life.

Finding this circle of harmony and awakening is a critical element to finding our way. With them, we can share our doubts and fears, ask deep questions, and share controversial opinions. These people express true compassion towards us: they suffer with us, from their loving incline. They help us grow.

7. We are one

This concept is probably the most far out, but I’m convinced of this “we are one” vision of the world. This is the most powerful teaching for me. The most abstract, too.

We interact. My thoughts, words, and actions have a direct impact on my environment. My environment reacts in a different way, dependent upon what I bring to the table. This reflects what I produce as a human interaction. I’m shaping my own reality.

I experienced this several times in the past years. When I managed to control my instinctive critical self to not say another criticism and change it into something more positive, watering only the good seeds, then I could see for myself the positive impact in the reactions of others.

We shape our reality. When I feel really good, I love making this little game: I smile to all of the people I pass on the street. Then, Paris turns from being a grey, depressed, and angry crowd to a joyful, nice and warm city. I smile, people smile back at me. My reality changed.

And even beyond interaction, what I find most interesting, taking the concept one step further, is the state of “inter-being.” The collective “we” and the planet are one. I know it; I feel it; but I still don’t know how to explain it. The consequence of this is that as long as there are children dying of hunger in the slums of India, there will be terrorists attacks killing innocent people in the West. When others suffer, we suffer. Life is a circle. What you give is what you get.

This 7 day-experience was very intense (hence the length of this article!)

The retreat was not an easy experience. I tried to escape it a few times. For example, I laughed during silent eating, I had thoughts pop up in my head that judged some of the practices (“this is too much”…). I also resisted some inside feelings with bubbling anger. At times, I wanted to stop everyone and say “Seriously, guys? Where are the hidden cameras?”.

In addition, I also learned many other things that I believe will resonate with me later on in life. For instance: to respect and honor my roots, a very Asian tradition, or a few tools for better interpersonal relationships. At the same retreat, each person captured different messages according to what she/he needed at that given moment. It’s what I think is the best thing about retreats.

Several key teachings that I had already put in practice, and that were reinforced at the retreat:

• The importance of breathing and meditation; slowing down our bodies and minds in order to reach the “here and now.”
• The value of spiritual wisdom and a spiritual path compared to that of material wealth accumulation. What matters in life is not how much money you have in your bank account. What matters is how compassionate you are with your environment and how much you grow on that spiritual path; investing in our own spiritual bank. I think that the reason people in countries like Brazil or continents like Africa tend to be happy, even if they live in the poorest conditions, is that they embrace their suffering. They support each other with strong human bonds. They cultivate their everyday joy. They love people; not things. The western way of life reaches a dead-end when man searches for meaning.
• The heavenly taste of vegan food cooked with love. The food was grown on the on-site Happy Farm and was prepared by the resident nuns, all in mindfulness.
• The importance of our actions, daily, at our own level. If we want to address the problems the world is facing today, then we need to start on our own spiritual path as soon as possible. Only those people with a clear mind and self-control can make the type of critical decisions that would enable us all to live in harmony, as one. Therefore, our own spiritual path is a civic duty.

The teachings with which I am still grappling. For instance, there was a little performance on New Year’s Eve. Each time we would get emotional during a speech or a show, the sister in charge would hit the gong. This was to stop the happiness from getting away from us, and bring it back inside of us. It was a cue to get back to the silence; to close our eyes and breathe in and out mindfully. A nun explained to me that this also helps when negative emotions arise: first breathe, then take action.

I know that these learnings will echo later on in my life; in the same way I know that what I need to do right now is to continue practicing. Practicing to be a better person every day. To continue daily meditation, eating mindfully, and reading relevant nourishing books to make the right seeds grow. So as to turn these practices into habit.

In addition, a couple of habits that I’d like to implement right now are:

• Stop criticizing myself and being too hard on myself: just say “it’s ok, it’s no big deal” when something goes wrong, when I make mistakes or fail
• Have “lazy days”: each week, the sisters have 1 lazy day when they don’t have to work and can just enjoy doing what they like
• Put some reminders in my home, on my phone, to always keep the teachings in mind, like “breathe, smile”
• Practice mindful eating, which I love very much now :)
• Have frequent meditation walks in nature

I have changed. Now, it is all about re-adjusting my everyday life to this new lifestyle. I don’t look at the world in the same way. I don’t look at myself in the same way, either. We change each minute, so does the world. Each breath is unique and is real only in the here and now.

Would I go back? Yes, if I feel that I need it. If I feel like it’s the right thing for me to do at that given moment.

Would I recommend the experience? Yes, if you feel like you need it. If you feel like the experience could help you at some point in your life, go ahead and try it with trust and goodwill.

Am I a Buddhist? For me, this is irrelevant. I don’t like labels. I just believe in the power of spirituality. That spirituality could be called God, Muhammad, Jesus, Buddha, Energies, Lucky star, Guardian Angel, or Raoul. What matters to me is how I feel. I also always noticed that the most inspiring human beings around me where the most spiritual ones. I think that we all share common universal values of love, compassion, peace and happiness in the world. In Jivamukti Yoga, the main mantra is Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. It means, “May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.” That’s what matters to me. Plum Village is a step towards that direction; just like yoga centers, churches, mosques, and synagogues… when used properly by people, with loving energy from the heart.

For more love in this world.

Bénédicte M.